The Process has Begun!

Process. What process? My writing process. Oh! That process. I didn't really know I had one, I thought it was me staring at the blank page - terrified of the nothingness, hoping an idea would formulate and brilliance would fling itself onto my void of a document. The reality is my process starts days before the blank page. Someone (a.k.a my sister, Hannah) asks when I'm going to post again. I panic. Then I begin to ponder. To really get the juices flowing, I read through every blog I have listed in "my favorites". The list is quite extensive, and takes a good hour to work my way through it. Sitting on a rainy Saturday morning, reading posts, is so relaxing. It's inspiring to hear a myriad of voices and ideas coming through my computer screen. There is something magical about this process. I still have no idea of what I might write, but these bloggers make me want to write. So, today I will keep my eyes peeled and my heart open to a possible topic. Let the process continue!

Nostalgia

Synonyms: homesickness, longing, melancholy

1.       Big yellow smiley face mug filled with change (or was the mug white)

2.       Empty oatmeal cylinder filled with grandma’s neatly stacked cookies, the ones that were always best eaten with a thin layer of peanut butter

3.       Rod iron bed facing  aunt pep’s red bon voyage poster

4.       Walking to the neighborhood grocery store

5.       Walking to church

6.       Walking to the pool

7.       Walking, walking, walking

8.       Love Boat and fried bologna sandwiches with chips

9.       Laughter

10.   Dying Easter eggs

11.   Jelly bean hunts & bags of money

12.   Riding grandma’s big blue tricycle

13.   Spending the night alone at grandma & grandpa’s house

14.   Red velvet cake

15.   Giggles

16.   Delicious lefse that my grandma never thought was quite right

17.   Collection of pencil sharpeners & decorative spoons

18.   Camping in the popup & eating fried fish

19.   Camping – getting all dolled up & promptly deciding to go swimming (all the hard work undone)

20.   Trip to California

21.   Silliness

22.   Grandma washing baseboards for graduation

23.    “Hang up. I’ll call you right back.”

24.   Her forever prayers. Who’s praying for me now?

25.   Eating at “Art’s burgers”

26.   Grandma’s soft skin

27.   Cool basements, toys, dress up clothes, mini piano

28.   Bible

29.   Peterson special on Christmas eve

Tonight I made this list. A list of all the things I loved about my grandmas. All the memories I have that fill my heart with joy. It was a year ago today that my Grandma Peterson passed away. She was my last living grandparent. I miss her. I miss both of my grandmas. They were such an integral part of my childhood. In many ways they were my symbol of simple unconditional love.

I started my evening by writing, deleting, writing, deleting… I wanted to create some lovely story about my grandmas, but what my heart really longed for was to reminisce. To be reminded of all the things I miss now that they are gone from this earth. My heart ached, my soul needed to pause, to cry and to remember. No story. Just a quiet space to embrace them. To love them.